Where are my shoes?

To tell you about this story is to dig into my childhood memories, some that are not so good to have for a 2-year-old girl. However, it brings out a point that sometimes we seem to forget and diminish its importance.

My recollection of past events as an adult goes back to when I was 2 years of age, not because of a picture that serves as a clue that such "this or that" happened, but actual facts stored on my brain.

I grew up like many kids nowadays without a father, not because he didn't exist; but, because of the circumstances at the time. Let's just leave it at that to avoid the explanations of why at this moment.

The first visit that I recall from him, was when I was 2 year of age. He showed up at my aunt's house with some shoes that didn't fit me, the shoe size was too small, hence he promised to come back the following weekend with the right size.

I am a twin, I do not remember if he showed up with something for my brother, if he did, I don't know what it was. I, only remember what concerns me.

I know that we were living at my grandparents' farm and every now and then I would come with my mother to my aunt's and stay there while my mother was at work.

So this happened at my aunt's place, during a weekend because he said: "I'll be back next weekend".

I was so excited about the new shoes and felt sad after finding out there was no way I could wear them, somehow I remained hopeful because he said he was coming back with the right size, so it really was just a matter of waiting a bit.

I hope everyone agrees that when it comes to promising something to a kid, it is better to be prepared, to keep true to your words.

Kids hold on to their part by waiting for that promise to become real.

If you ask something in return, kids will try their hardest to do their part. And be honest you kind of remind them every chance you have about it.

A week went by and he didn't show; then more weeks, months and years. Years waiting for him to come back. It did not happen.

I was seven when I saw him again. This time it was not just my brother and me. My mother had another pair of twins; so we were now four kids. My mother had a partner whom we called dad; even though he was actually our stepfather, the title: "dad" was earned.

So here we are in the middle of the year 1989, I know this because it was during school break and I had that teacher I did not like. At the entrance of our house, driving a light blue hatchback Toyota Corolla, yes; I remember the model of the car, there was a guy claiming to be our dad.

He came for us: my twin brother and me. Stating he wanted us to meet our siblings, grandmother and the rest of the family. My mother was reminded of some words she said before we were even born, and therefore found herself asking our "dad" for permission to let us go with this man, dad didn't seem happy with the request, yet agreed.

The trip was supposed to be for two weeks but it was cut short, I do know the reason however it is not important to this story.

If you are wondering if the shoes came with him during his second visit or if I was taken to the shoe store during the time I was with him, you should know the answer is no, that did not happen, nor time with him. He took us to his mother's house and left us there. At some point during that week, he came over with his wife and other three kids and I learned I had more siblings than I knew of.

The shoes were never mentioned, but I kept waiting for him to remember his promise one day.

When he dropped us back home; before getting out of the car; he gave my brother a $10 bill and he happily left; then, gave me a $20 bill and asked me not to tell my brother. I said ok and got out of the car. The $20 bill stayed on a glass jar for years. I never used the money myself, it was my mother who once asked if she could borrow it? I answered: "you can keep it".

personal abstract - Thia-CIRG

Years go by, never saw the man again until, I, was over 30 years of age. One night at his sister's house, I had the courage to ask: Where are my shoes?

He seemed confused and asked me back: what shoes?
I told him: the shoes you promised me you would bring back next weekend! I am still waiting for that weekend to happen.

Silence is all I got after that, no shoes.

Even today as I write this I wonder: "Will that weekend come, will I ever get my shoes?"
I guess, there lies a question!